As a nursing mom, or especially a NON nursing mom, you may have noticed that sometimes...occasionally...every once in a while...some of those in the breastfeeding community can be a tad...ahem... judgmental. What? you say. No! Never! <<sarcasm>> You were unable to breastfeed and gave formula? You gave up on breastfeeding and gave formula? You CHOSE (gasp, sputter, choke) not to breastfeed and gave formula??? I'm not going to lie. I've judged people for using formula. Even though I had to use it with my first. Oh yes. If I see someone with a bottle you better believe I think, "Why isn't she breastfeeding?" I'll come right out and say it. I kick myself each time for saying it though because I had to exclusively bottle Olivia until she was 6 months old and even once she started breastfeeding, I worked full time and was a part time student.
Believe it or not, this post is not just about judging based on formula or breast milk. It's just judgement in general among moms for our decisions. Recently, I was judged harshly by some people I knew. I was told I was "unclassy" for posting up my breastfeeding pictures, I was told I wasn't protecting my children and that my pictures were a "pedophiles dream". I was angry. Very angry about the "not protecting my children" comment. But most of all, I was deeply hurt. I didn't want to admit that, but here I am, on our blog that we share with everyone admitting that when I was judged like that, I was deeply hurt. I'm not writing this blog post to lash out at those people, or to even talk in great lengths about that particular discussion on my facebook wall but to just talk about judgement and moms. We see it SO often, especially with breastfeeding and formula. Our choices on how we feed our children, when we feed them, if we choose to cover or not, what type of bottles we use..the formula we use...the way in which we.....................
The list could go on and on. I judge. And I'm not saying I won't continue to do so because I'm human. But you know what? It effing HURTS and quite frankly, people need to GET OVER IT. If another mom chooses to do something you don't agree with, who cares? How is it your business to judge her? Now, I just want to clarify that I'm not talking about sharing information in a caring way. After all, that's what this blog is all about. This blog is about sharing our experiences, our feelings etc and trying to normalize and educate about breastfeeding in a positive, caring way. Absolutely, people should share their convictions with parenting (and whatever else). But to me, that's totally different then throwing stones and being cruel to people, calling them names, however it's gone about...it's just unnecessary.
Like I said, I see people and I judge them. I wish I didn't but there it is. And I'm not going to say that I'll never think to myself "what the crap?!!?" when I see a mother bottle feeding (or whatever else I judge on) but I'm making an effort to try and not be such a @#%$&. The way moms act towards each other these days is horrendous. We are regressing into middle school girls and what we need to be doing is support one another. So next time you feel word vomit bubbling in your throat and you want to puke your judgments all over another mama, why don't you sit there and think about how you'd feel if/when someone did that to you? I know I will!
Talk to me about judgments you've faced? Or how you've judged others in their parenting decisions?